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Sex, the Master’s Division December 29, 2009

Posted by jassnight in Dating, Love, Passion, Relationship, Sex, Spirituality.
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8 comments

When I run races, I am placed in the master’s division. The master’s division is the category for men from age 40 and up. Now you would think that this is a derogatory classification for men my age but let me tell you something, the master’s division is consistently the fastest and most competitive division there is. Men my age are wiser than the younger crowd when it comes to training and running strategy. We know that we cannot rely on youth to bang out a personal best or win a race. The younger guys think they can just get up off their couch after a week of binge drinking and chicken wing eating and run successfully. I have to laugh when I see those guys around mile 2.5 on the side of the course throwing up after going out too fast and thinking they can hold that pace.

The same is true when it comes to sex. Yes, the master’s division also has the experience and knowledge to perform better than the younger boys in bed. However right now I would like to explore the attitudinal advantages that the older male lover has.

The Difference

I have several young lady friends dating men between 25 and 35. Being the best man friend a woman could ever have (yes, another blog post will explain that) they all come to me for consolation and advice when things go bad. They continuously find men of this age looking for that ‘hook up’ or the ‘score’ so that they can have one more notch on their bedpost or that locker room chuckle with the buddies. Men of this age are all about the physical dimension of copulation. There seems to be no thought about what it will mean emotionally. It is referred to as “thinking with their penises.” Many times, I find my young lady friends going in thinking the same way, only to see them watch their phone the entire day after, waiting for him to call. Correct me if I am wrong if you are a young female reader, but these women may have a hidden agenda of, maybe-I-can-hook-this-guy-by-my-sexual-prowess. I tend to think that your mothers are more correct when they told you, “why would any man buy the cow if they can get the milk for free.” The bottom line here is that the younger man sees sex as more of a short-term release and less of a relationship builder than women of that age.

For older men, there is more complexity. Again, experience seems to be the variable here. More than likely, men my age have been in several relationships. More than most have been married. There are children, ex’s, careers, friendships – life experiences that they bring to the table (in this case, the bed.)  All of this contributes to ‘cognitive complexity’ and with this brings deeper meaning to intercourse. Don’t get me wrong here. Even though men in the master’s division are less likely to consent to sex purely for sexual pleasure, this pool of participants will still not consider the act as a ritual of immortal promise either. However, it will be part of the equation. Unless you are a hooker, you can at least consider that there is more on a master’s division man’s agenda when he asks you to sleep with him. At the very least, you can bet on him calling you in the morning. More than likely, he will end up in your bed again and most likely he will be combining this form of communication with other signals that will give you a pretty good idea of what his intentions are.

The First Love

A man in the master’s division looks back on his life and reflects. He sees much meaning in what he has done, who he did it with, and why. His first love is very important to him. The woman who brought him through the threshold to manhood is considered a second mother to him. The key here is “first love” that was consummated with his “first act.” He will never forget her and places her in the same category as the Virgin Mary regardless of what transpired after that. I am one of the fortunate men who is still in contact with my first love. She is a complete friend who has helped me get through some difficult times in my recent history. She is usually the first one I come to when there is cause for celebration, need for consoling, or advice about relationship. We have a special bond that will never be broken. Master’s division men project that importance onto every woman he has feelings for. Every relationship is compared to his first love because that is from where he came. When he eventually has sex with a woman, it is considered sharing the same bond with her. This is not unlike the same bond that Robert Heinlein labels “Water Brothers” in his book Stranger in a Strange Land. In this novel, sexual intercourse is the ritualistic act that bonds people together as one – the pinnacle of the act of sharing water together.

This will translate to the bedroom in several ways. In the master’s division category, a man will want to re-create this bond with you. His style in bed will be more of a sharing attitude that will consider the woman’s pleasure before his. He will be conscious and reactive of the signals you display that will steer him toward your needs. He will look you in the eye at the epiphany of your pleasure. He will hold you tightly at your release. He will breathe with you in your calm.

The Mother of his Children

It is more than likely that a man of my age will have had children. Again, like the first love, the mother of his children will also imprint a unique stamp within his soul. Regardless of where the relationship stands today, a man of worth will always understand and respect the bond with this woman (or in some cases women.) This is the woman that impressed in him that the sexual act truly possesses higher purpose. It is the means to carry his seed to the next millennia. Master’s division men find this of great importance at this age of awareness that they are in fact, mortal.

The experience of childbirth gives the master’s division man respect for the female body. He will be aware of the power your body has on him directly and to humanity holistically. This is reflected in the way he will make love to you and in the way he will treat you after. His lovemaking will be slow and with purpose. He will be cognizant of your comfort during and caring in his manner after. He will have thoughts of what it would be like to have children with you. He will entertain the idea of sharing a life with you.

Experience

Be assured, you will not be the first woman a master’s division man will have sex with. You may have some unjustified reason for wanting to know how many partners he has had in the past but what should be more important to you is that this man has experience. He has had his share of bad sex and his share of mind blowing sex and at this age, will have understanding as to what was the cause of each. More importantly, he will have the knowledge that no woman is alike. Every woman has different needs in bed. Most importantly, he will bring a wide variety of techniques with him that he will be able to tap into to satisfy your need. He will not be afraid to ask questions. He will not be hesitant to explore new options nor experiment outside of the box. You are in the hands of a master who will have highly developed communication skills, teamwork skills, and critical thinking skills. Your time with this man will be rich in want, detailed in desire, and in the end totally satisfied in need.

Do’s and Don’t

So how do you go about entertaining the possibility of spending some quality time with a master’s division man? Below is a brief list of “points of entry” to guide you to that end.

  • Don’t ever accuse a master of “just wanting to get into my pants.”  It should be assumed that his agenda is far more complex than that
  • Don’t assume you will sleep with him on the third date. He will not be looking at the quantity of time spent with you as a determinative factor; he will be looking at the quality of time.
  • Forget body image – this man will make love to you because he loves you. At that point, it is about you, not your body.
  • Prepare for the moment – Again, don’t assume it is all about your body. Take care in the clothes you wear, the undergarments he will slowly remove, the scent he will smell, the skin he will taste.
  • Expect him to spend the night – prepare for the entire evening. Some housekeeping may be warranted. Some breakfast items may need to be purchased.
  • Kids are an asset – Maybe not the first night, but consecutive nights and days he will be looking to see if you are willing to bring him into your entire life, including your children’s lives.
  • Speak up – before, during and after. He will listen.
  • It is the entire package not the singular event – He is going to love making love to you when it comes to that point because he has found traits in you that will assure it. This takes more than sexual cues. Show him you are intelligent, fun, caring, respectful, playful, and can hold a conversation. This will all translate in his mind to sexual complexity.
  • Think beyond the bed – He will put meaning to his moment with you. You will become part of his spiritual collective. Are you prepared for that?
  • Say no – If you are just out for a quick release – a one night folly, do him a favor and say no when he asks you to sleep with him. If you feel you are not ready to receive the deepness he is going to share with you, it is best you go find a man in the rookie pool.  After all, you may do your part in bringing the beginner closer to the enlightenment of the master’s division.
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Is passion dangerous? November 8, 2009

Posted by jassnight in Love, Passion, Relationship.
Tags: , , , ,
3 comments

rain_passion_1People have often told me that I possess an inordinate amount of enthusiasm and passion for life.  Well, I do. I am not going to apologize. I am an excitable boy for sure! However, I will be the first to admit that in several cases, my enthusiasm and passion has caused personal pain and discord. In my life, when emotion becomes dominant over rational thinking, trouble ensues.

Pure raw emotion for anything is the aphrodisiac of life. It can be addicting and there can be a total disregard for the consequences of seeking and possessing it. Trouble follows, pain ensues, danger increases, relationships or possibly lives terminate.

Nobody depicts the horrors of passion better than Ang Lee, the director of both Brokeback Mountain and Lust/Caution. Both of these heart-wrenching movies depict how passion can never end well. Both stories tell of two people in extreme irrational infatuation for one another and then how outside influences slowly destroy their lives.

Passion does not have to always be associated with relationships. Passion thrives within several contexts, and likewise can be just as dangerous. In the movie, Empire of the Sun, I truly appreciate how Steven Spielberg depicts passion with young Christian Bale (the character Jim) and his extreme passion for fighter planes and the pilots. His raw emotion is portrayed in the scene when the Japanese airstrip is being attacked by US fighter planes.  Jim, totally disregarding his own safety, climbs atop the roof of a building where he immerses himself in a climactic display of raw emotion in the midst of chaos. He is brought back to reality when the doctor (Nigel Havers) grabs him and tells him, “Try not to think so much!”

Ironically, I have had several friends do the same thing to me.  Several times in my recent life when I have gone over the edge with passion, I have had more than one friend tell me, “Try not to think so much.”  It works. Pulling myself out of the emotion helps. It gives the raw passion a rational perspective. It keeps me out of harm’s way.

I am a fan of passion. I have been there and I do pray I will have the rare pleasure of experiencing it again. However, I must be cautious. I am a surviving addict. I know what it can do to me. I know how close I can come to danger.

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines passion as: Intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction. However, it also states that its obsolete definition is “suffering.”