jump to navigation

What strange thing is going to happen to me today? February 5, 2010

Posted by jassnight in Change, Dating, Friendship, Relationship, Unemployment.
Tags: , , ,
2 comments

Some of my graduate colleagues and I in Cincinatti

There was a time in my recent past that I would wake up in the morning and think to myself, “what strange thing is going to happen to me today?” I was in what I call my “transition period” at the time. I had left a good paying secure job for a chance to better myself with an opportunity that I could not say no to – a free education in the form of a graduate assistantship for a prestigious graduate degree. I was living in a small studio apartment by myself and totally immersed in engaging, exciting work with 30 other students on a day-to-day basis. We were a close family. We ate together, we worked together, we drank, danced, laughed, cried, obsessed and even slept together (overnight study sessions – that’s my story and I am stinking to it 😉 ) When people experience an intense part of their lives together, they become very close. Those ties are never broken and I will always consider them my brothers and sisters. Thank God for Facebook since we are now scattered around the globe.

I know. I got off track there but the fact is that I was experiencing an incredible time full of friendship, opportunity, hope and promise.  I miss waking up in the morning and thinking, “what strange thing is going to happen to me today?” It just doesn’t happen anymore.

Today was different.

We would gather after class at a local brew pub

I already knew it was going to be an unusual day. I had a very important meeting this morning and the anticipation brought back that feeling of opportunity, hope, and promise.  With it was also the waking thought of, “what strange thing is going to happen to me today?” – and something strange did happen…

So I am driving to my meeting and my phone vibrates. It is a text from a number I don’t recognize…

“Hi! It’s just me. How is it going? Is the wacko still screwing with you? You ok? Well, let me know.”

Just me?  Who is just me?  When I was in my transition period, I was also in a relationship. It was intense and horrible at the same time. It was a toxic relationship and I was blind to the effects of it and the damage that it eventually did to me. This toxic lover would always start a voicemail or text with “hi, it’s me” and for a minute I stopped breathing thinking that this text was from her. But in this case, the wacko would be her so this text didn’t make sense.

I text back…

“Who is this?”

“Don’t be silly, u know who it is! U r the one that keeps calling me. U think u would forget after these years and all u did to me. I didn’t look u up.”

I am now thinking, ‘oh my God, it is her! What does she want? Wait a minute! I have not been calling her. I have not called this B&%#h in well over a year. This can’t be her.’

I text again…

“I am sorry, none of this sounds familiar. I think you have the wrong person.”

She simultaneously returns…

“Gerry, look at the pic I sent you. You’ll like it ;-)”

Whew!  It is not my previous toxic lover!  I am not Gerry. Wait!  Now I wish I was Gerry. I wouldn’t mind seeing that pic!

She obviously gets my last text and responds…

“Gerald Sr. and Judy you r still nosy fuckers. Why not just put your adult son’s phone down!”

Ok, now that I know I am not Gerry, this is getting very interesting.

She sends a second text…

“And while you r at it tell him not to call me or bother me anymore too! I’ve got my fiancé and my 3 girls and life and don’t need him fucking shit up for me!”

Ouch!  Here is a woman who is trying to respond to some previous lover and she is engaged to be married with three kids? What a tangled web we weave!  Yes, this is getting very interesting indeed.  Now, I could take this conversation into the land of impropriety and irresponsibility pretty quickly but I have had my share of that in my life, so I decide to go the route of the gentleman…

“That is all fine and good but I am not Gerry, Gerry Sr. or Judy. Sorry, I hope things work out for you.”

She comes back with…

“Whatever. He called me from this number. That’s how I got it in the first place and I called it too and Gerry left me a voicemail. So whatever, Teresa”

Well, at least I know her name now. This implies that she now has some doubt about whom she is texting and that I am gaining her trust. I will continue in that manner. After all, I know her. My toxic lover of the past was very similar to her.

“Hi Teresa, this number is 607 244 XY02. I have had this number for many years now. I am not sure how that is possible. Sorry to disappoint you. I hope things go well for you”

She now realizes her mistake…

“Sorry, but someone was screwing with me and it’s YX02, not u. I apologize – Teresa”

“No problem, sorry for your troubles, we all have them. “

We were like family

It was a full day of living in the feeling I had when I was a full-time student working with people I love, learning exciting things and engaged in collaborative work – a day of opportunity, hope and promise. Even with the huge relationship mistake I made during that time I truly miss that feeling. Even though I feel for Teresa and her situation, however warped it may be, she completed my day today; Something strange did happen to me today as well.

Thank you Teresa.

Dreams of Sex, the Past, and Bob Barker January 30, 2010

Posted by jassnight in Change, inspiration, Sex.
Tags: , , , ,
2 comments

“Come on down! The price is right!”  What?  Me? The dream was so vivid I could feel the heat of the studio lights. There I was, on the Price is Right Show. Bob Barker holding the microphone in my face and asking me, “…and what do you bid Steve?”

What am I bidding on Bob?

Wait! … where are my clothes?

It woke me up instantly. That is the only way I can remember my dreams; when they are so intense I am thrust into consciousness with the dream scenario still embedded in my thoughts. There I was in bed, still hearing the theme music and wondering, what was that all about?

Some dreams are so bizarre (thanks Bob Barker) and make no sense to us. Others have a clear connection to what is happening in our lives at the moment. Some are from our past. Some are of our future. Whatever and whenever they are, we want so much for them to have meaning. We want our dreams to guide us to our future or give us understanding of our past. We want our dreams to give us the answers to our current situations.

According to Dr. Michael Breus, leading sleep expert, there are reoccurring dreams that we all experience that may have a common meaning. These Dreamscapes include; falling, being chased, visiting or seeing someone you knew who is now deceased, being back in school or college, or finding yourself naked. In general many of these dream scenarios indicate some current stress happening in your life.  However, it is important to understand that the same common dream can be interpreted differently between individuals. For example, let’s take the dream about being in high school. This is a reoccurring dream I have had for close to 25 years now. My dream focuses on the restraints of the high school environment; hall passes, bells, teacher authority, etc… I hated my years in high school and this dream reflects the restrictions I felt while attending. It may even extend to the limitations I felt growing up with an over-protective mother and under-loving stepfather. I find that I have this dream more often when I am in a financially or personally restrictive time in my life. Others who have this dream may interpret it in an entirely different light. If they found their high school years to be personally enriching and socially affluent, they may have this dream in times when their lives and relationships are going well.

Sex and being naked

We have all had this one. Having sex with a friend, your boss, your mother, past and/or present and/or future lover – you name the person, people dream of having sex with them. Think about what sex is. Yes, having sex normally reflects a mutual intimacy between two people. However, it can also be an act of dominance or power over someone. Some even associate sex with pain. Combine your meaning with the person you dreamed having sex with and you can come up with all sorts of conscious parallel meaning. Personally I have never dreamed about having sex with my mother or boss (ewww.) My sex dreams always are with past, current, or desired lovers. More important to my personal interpretation however, is the fact that when I am feeling overly stressed, limited, restricted, I don’t have sex dreams at all. It is in a time when I have hope and high self esteem that my dreams become sexual. Apparently for me, sex is about confidence.

Suddenly lose your clothes during your dream? You are not alone. This is a common one usually meaning that you are afraid of having something exposed, insecurity or low confidence. It can also reflect on the anxiety you are experiencing about an upcoming meeting, doctor’s appointment, presentation, or performance. Not many get naked in their dreams and like it. For the ones who do it can reflect a bit of a narcissistic need for attention, to stand out in a crowd, or a need to be noticed by work colleagues or a recent romantic interest.

The Price is Right

So what does this all have to do with dreaming about being on the Price is Right Show? I have not seen this show, let alone thought about it since I was a teenager. Bob Barker was a young man back then (and that is the age he was in my dream.)

What does this all mean?

It has been a few days since I had this dream and I have used this time to reflect on it. My belief is that this dream mirrors the doubts I have been having lately about pursuing some big dreams of mine. Maybe I am wondering if the cost is worth it. Is the price right?

It is natural to have doubts. It is normal to lose some self-esteem – confidence – as you challenge yourself with change. But what is the alternative? For me, compromising is not an option. “What do you bid Steve?”  Bob, I am not going to make a bid because what I am doing – what I am going after – is priceless.

As for being naked? If people can’t respect me for the challenge I have put before myself, then they need to step aside and let me pass. I have no shame in what I have started. I have no regret in the hard work I have done and am doing to get there. I have no remorse in what I have left behind. I have put myself out there. I have exposed myself and it feels wonderful.

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become – Charles Du Bos

Resources:

Recurring Dreams and Their Meanings – Dr. Michael J. Breus

Sex, the Master’s Division December 29, 2009

Posted by jassnight in Dating, Love, Passion, Relationship, Sex, Spirituality.
Tags: , , , ,
8 comments

When I run races, I am placed in the master’s division. The master’s division is the category for men from age 40 and up. Now you would think that this is a derogatory classification for men my age but let me tell you something, the master’s division is consistently the fastest and most competitive division there is. Men my age are wiser than the younger crowd when it comes to training and running strategy. We know that we cannot rely on youth to bang out a personal best or win a race. The younger guys think they can just get up off their couch after a week of binge drinking and chicken wing eating and run successfully. I have to laugh when I see those guys around mile 2.5 on the side of the course throwing up after going out too fast and thinking they can hold that pace.

The same is true when it comes to sex. Yes, the master’s division also has the experience and knowledge to perform better than the younger boys in bed. However right now I would like to explore the attitudinal advantages that the older male lover has.

The Difference

I have several young lady friends dating men between 25 and 35. Being the best man friend a woman could ever have (yes, another blog post will explain that) they all come to me for consolation and advice when things go bad. They continuously find men of this age looking for that ‘hook up’ or the ‘score’ so that they can have one more notch on their bedpost or that locker room chuckle with the buddies. Men of this age are all about the physical dimension of copulation. There seems to be no thought about what it will mean emotionally. It is referred to as “thinking with their penises.” Many times, I find my young lady friends going in thinking the same way, only to see them watch their phone the entire day after, waiting for him to call. Correct me if I am wrong if you are a young female reader, but these women may have a hidden agenda of, maybe-I-can-hook-this-guy-by-my-sexual-prowess. I tend to think that your mothers are more correct when they told you, “why would any man buy the cow if they can get the milk for free.” The bottom line here is that the younger man sees sex as more of a short-term release and less of a relationship builder than women of that age.

For older men, there is more complexity. Again, experience seems to be the variable here. More than likely, men my age have been in several relationships. More than most have been married. There are children, ex’s, careers, friendships – life experiences that they bring to the table (in this case, the bed.)  All of this contributes to ‘cognitive complexity’ and with this brings deeper meaning to intercourse. Don’t get me wrong here. Even though men in the master’s division are less likely to consent to sex purely for sexual pleasure, this pool of participants will still not consider the act as a ritual of immortal promise either. However, it will be part of the equation. Unless you are a hooker, you can at least consider that there is more on a master’s division man’s agenda when he asks you to sleep with him. At the very least, you can bet on him calling you in the morning. More than likely, he will end up in your bed again and most likely he will be combining this form of communication with other signals that will give you a pretty good idea of what his intentions are.

The First Love

A man in the master’s division looks back on his life and reflects. He sees much meaning in what he has done, who he did it with, and why. His first love is very important to him. The woman who brought him through the threshold to manhood is considered a second mother to him. The key here is “first love” that was consummated with his “first act.” He will never forget her and places her in the same category as the Virgin Mary regardless of what transpired after that. I am one of the fortunate men who is still in contact with my first love. She is a complete friend who has helped me get through some difficult times in my recent history. She is usually the first one I come to when there is cause for celebration, need for consoling, or advice about relationship. We have a special bond that will never be broken. Master’s division men project that importance onto every woman he has feelings for. Every relationship is compared to his first love because that is from where he came. When he eventually has sex with a woman, it is considered sharing the same bond with her. This is not unlike the same bond that Robert Heinlein labels “Water Brothers” in his book Stranger in a Strange Land. In this novel, sexual intercourse is the ritualistic act that bonds people together as one – the pinnacle of the act of sharing water together.

This will translate to the bedroom in several ways. In the master’s division category, a man will want to re-create this bond with you. His style in bed will be more of a sharing attitude that will consider the woman’s pleasure before his. He will be conscious and reactive of the signals you display that will steer him toward your needs. He will look you in the eye at the epiphany of your pleasure. He will hold you tightly at your release. He will breathe with you in your calm.

The Mother of his Children

It is more than likely that a man of my age will have had children. Again, like the first love, the mother of his children will also imprint a unique stamp within his soul. Regardless of where the relationship stands today, a man of worth will always understand and respect the bond with this woman (or in some cases women.) This is the woman that impressed in him that the sexual act truly possesses higher purpose. It is the means to carry his seed to the next millennia. Master’s division men find this of great importance at this age of awareness that they are in fact, mortal.

The experience of childbirth gives the master’s division man respect for the female body. He will be aware of the power your body has on him directly and to humanity holistically. This is reflected in the way he will make love to you and in the way he will treat you after. His lovemaking will be slow and with purpose. He will be cognizant of your comfort during and caring in his manner after. He will have thoughts of what it would be like to have children with you. He will entertain the idea of sharing a life with you.

Experience

Be assured, you will not be the first woman a master’s division man will have sex with. You may have some unjustified reason for wanting to know how many partners he has had in the past but what should be more important to you is that this man has experience. He has had his share of bad sex and his share of mind blowing sex and at this age, will have understanding as to what was the cause of each. More importantly, he will have the knowledge that no woman is alike. Every woman has different needs in bed. Most importantly, he will bring a wide variety of techniques with him that he will be able to tap into to satisfy your need. He will not be afraid to ask questions. He will not be hesitant to explore new options nor experiment outside of the box. You are in the hands of a master who will have highly developed communication skills, teamwork skills, and critical thinking skills. Your time with this man will be rich in want, detailed in desire, and in the end totally satisfied in need.

Do’s and Don’t

So how do you go about entertaining the possibility of spending some quality time with a master’s division man? Below is a brief list of “points of entry” to guide you to that end.

  • Don’t ever accuse a master of “just wanting to get into my pants.”  It should be assumed that his agenda is far more complex than that
  • Don’t assume you will sleep with him on the third date. He will not be looking at the quantity of time spent with you as a determinative factor; he will be looking at the quality of time.
  • Forget body image – this man will make love to you because he loves you. At that point, it is about you, not your body.
  • Prepare for the moment – Again, don’t assume it is all about your body. Take care in the clothes you wear, the undergarments he will slowly remove, the scent he will smell, the skin he will taste.
  • Expect him to spend the night – prepare for the entire evening. Some housekeeping may be warranted. Some breakfast items may need to be purchased.
  • Kids are an asset – Maybe not the first night, but consecutive nights and days he will be looking to see if you are willing to bring him into your entire life, including your children’s lives.
  • Speak up – before, during and after. He will listen.
  • It is the entire package not the singular event – He is going to love making love to you when it comes to that point because he has found traits in you that will assure it. This takes more than sexual cues. Show him you are intelligent, fun, caring, respectful, playful, and can hold a conversation. This will all translate in his mind to sexual complexity.
  • Think beyond the bed – He will put meaning to his moment with you. You will become part of his spiritual collective. Are you prepared for that?
  • Say no – If you are just out for a quick release – a one night folly, do him a favor and say no when he asks you to sleep with him. If you feel you are not ready to receive the deepness he is going to share with you, it is best you go find a man in the rookie pool.  After all, you may do your part in bringing the beginner closer to the enlightenment of the master’s division.